I lived in the Philippines for 20 Years
In 2019 I decided to move back to the States
So, as the title of the article says, did I make the right choice?
Since the day I left the Philippines, I have been sad about leaving. I loved living in the Philippines. I miss it badly. I often spend time weighing the decision and trying to decide if I did the right thing by leaving. In the last 6 months or so, I have pretty much settled the argument that I’ve been having with myself.
I think it was a mistake.
There were some reasons that were legitimate reasons for leaving, but we could have worked through those things. Even having been away for 5 years, I still want to go back really badly, I miss the place, and so many people in the Philippines.
Why did I leave the Philippines?
In the few years leading up to our departure, I experienced a number of problems.
- I had a heart attack and had quadruple bypass surgery.
- I had some issues happening with Feyma’s nieces and nephews.
- Some of my businesses there started to do less-well than they had in previous years.
- Two of my three kids were becoming adults and had decided to move to the States.
- My few remaining extended family members here in the States started experiencing serious health problems.
Heart Issues
In June of 2016 I had a heart attack. I had been a pretty active guy, I walked at least a few miles every day, and just generally stayed active. It was a real scare when I had a heart attack, because my Dad had passed due to a heart attack about 7 years before we moved to the Philippines.
A couple of months after my heart attack, I had quadruple heart bypass surgery, and came through that with flying colors. In the two (or so) years after my heart attack, I increased the exercise and started fasting. I would eat on weekends, and not eat at all on weekdays. I lost 231 pounds during that time, and got my health back. I was feeling great, and I also felt that I got top notch healthcare in the Philippines. I can’t say I was worried that the healthcare in the Philippines was sub-par, or that it threatened my life in any way. I just got the feeling that if I was having some health issues it “might be better” to be in the States instead of in the Philippines. This, however, was only a minor issue for me and only contributed to my thought of moving in a tiny way.
Nieces and Nephews
In the time we lived in the Philippines we had a number of Feyma’s nieces and nephews live with us. Some were coming to Davao to go to College, others had jobs in our area so moved in with us, some came and worked in companies that we owned there. There were lots of reasons, and truth is, almost all of these experiences were positive and worked out great.
In 2017, Feyma was going to spend a few months in the States, and something came up that caused a nephew to move in with me. I did not know this young man well, in fact I hardly knew him at all. Against my better judgment, I agreed to take him in. That did not work out well.
Things got so bad with this nephew that I felt I was going insane, and started having some counselling sessions to try to move past it. At one point I even considered just walking out the door of our house, and just keep walking, never going back, just to get away from the situation I was experiencing. I didn’t do that, and with the help of the counsellor I made it through the problems, but this was the point that we made the decision to leave the Philippines. I needed a fresh start and to get away from things that I had no control over.
Businesses
During my time in the Philippines I always owned and operated a number of businesses ranging from blogs that earned very good money, to a very successful e-Commerce business. I also did Consulting, and my wife did Consulting as well.
During the time I mentioned above when I was under a lot of stress, I was not able to focus enough attention on my various businesses, so some of my businesses suffered. I could rebuild them, but with a number of issues facing me, I felt that making a fresh-start back in the States might be the right move at that time. In many ways it was the right move.
My Kids
When we moved to the Philippines my kids were… well… kids. When we arrived in the Philippines I had a 7 year old, a 3 year old, and a 2 month old. They were little kids, so it was not for them to decide where we would live. In 2019 my kids were 26 years old, 23 years old, and 19 years old. They were all old enough to choose their place of residence, and for the most part they all wanted to move back to the States.
I did not want to be separated from my kids by an ocean at that time, and Feyma and I pretty quickly started having the “what should we do” talk. Should we move to the States to be back with our sons, or should we stay in the Philippines? We did not make a decision until a few years later.
Extended Family Health Issues
By 2017 the only members of my extended family that were still alive were my Mother and my younger Brother. I was the oldest of the kids in my family. My sister died when she was 15, my father passed about 7 years before we moved to the Philippines.
In 2015 or so, by brother was diagnosed with brain cancer. Starting in around 2014 or so, my mother started having various health problems. Then, in March of 2018, my mom passed. This left only myself and my brother. I was the oldest of the kids, he was the youngest.
As I mentioned, my brother had brain cancer, and from all I could tell, it seemed that his time was getting short. This was also part of our decision to move back to the USA. Unfortunately, my brother passed before I could see him, though. I had already made it back to the States, but his death happened before I was able to travel to where ha lived.
So the items I have listed about all contributed to my decision to leave the Philippines and return “home”.
After Five Years, did I make the right choice?
So, just last week I “celebrated” my 5th Anniversary of returning to the USA. Over at least the past year, I have started thinking that I made a bad decision when I decided to move back to the States.
Generally, it is not a good time to make a big decision when you are under some extra stress. It’s better to work through the situation(s) that are causing the stress before making a life-changing decision. Although I have not made the decision to do so yet, I am really wanting to move back to the Philippines, or at least move to another country (I have been thinking about Ecuador).
So, what are the things stopping me move moving abroad?
- Cline
- Still wanting to watch our Adult Kids grow up more
- I love our house and the setting
- As we age health issues could arise
- Feyma wants to see more of the USA
Cline
For those who don’t know, Cline is our grandson. He is 3 1/2 years old, and growing fast. I spend a lot of time with Cline, and both of us enjoy spending time together, I would miss Cline badly should we ever be apart, and moving abroad again would make the happen. It is a strand situation when you really want to move abroad, but there is something that you really don’t want to leave behind. That is one reason why we have considered Ecuador or another nearer country. To travel to/from the Philippines it is at least a 2 day trip, and you are also crossing a lot of time zones.
I feel that seeing Cline grow up, accomplish things, etc., is very important to me, and I don’t want to miss those things. Moving away probably would not be the right choice for us anymore.
Our Kids
Our Kids are grown up, but there are still milestones in their lives that we want to be around for. Firstly, I expect that Aaron and Jared will be married in the coming years, maybe they will have kids as well. Those are things that we would not want to miss. Yes, we could fly back for the weddings, but that is only a few days or a few weeks to be around. Getting married is an important thing, and will, hopefully, last for many years, and being around to celebrate that part of their lives is important for us.
When it comes to those guys having kids, nothing would make me happier, and I would not want to miss out on that. I love kids, and just would not want to miss more grandkids.
Also, as our kids enter and go through their married lives, I would want to be here to support them, advise them, etc. It’s hard to do that when you are 10,000 miles away.
House
Both Feyma and I love the house that we purchased about 4 years ago. Our house is on the Eel River in Indiana, and there is a lot of wildlife around that is always out in our yard, etc. It is such a peaceful setting. Although we live right in the middle of town, if you look out the window it seems that you are way out in the country somewhere without even another house in sight.
This is such a peaceful setting and it would be hard to leave it behind.
Health Issues
In just a few weeks I will be turning 62. I’ve had health issues in the past. In the last 25 years I have had both a stroke and a heart attack. Then again, as I pointed out earlier in this article, my experience says to me that the healthcare system is as good as the healthcare I could get here in the States. So, how much of a concern should it be? Probably not a big concern.
Feyma wants to see more of the USA
As most of you know, Feyma was born and raised in the Philippines. She came to the USA in 1991, after we got married in the Philippines. She has seen all of the West Coast, and much of the rest of the Western USA. Now she has seen much of the Heartland, but there are still a lot of parts of the USA that she has not seen, and she would like to see those places. I would love to take her to the rest of the US as well, I enjoy seeing her experience new things, just as I am sure she enjoyed watching me experience and fall in love with her country.
In our remaining years we could both enjoy seeing the USA (I’ve seen almost all of the country, though), and experiencing the places in the USA that we have not seen, or at least she has not seen.
We plan to go to Louisiana later this year. We planned to do that in 2020, but then COVID hit and travel was restricted. I lived in Louisiana for a number of years starting in 1977, but have not been back there for many years. I have some friends there that I would enjoy seeing and introducing my wife to.
Maybe staying in the States would be nice. I still, though, have a strong desire to go back to Asia. Hmmm…
Hey Bob,
This is the first article that I’ve read from you in many years. I am not sure if you remember me, but I used to read your blog when you lived in the Philippines. In October 2019, I moved to Costa Rica from Southern California, remarried a Filipina and enjoying the Pura Vida Lifestyle. Much success to you and your beautiful family.
Ingat Bob,
I do remember you, Riley, thanks for getting back in touch. I’m glad to hear that you’re enjoying your life, I am too, but I just have some lingering questions and feelings about either becoming an expat again in another country, or going back to the Philippines. Philippines. Think either option would be enjoyable, and I would welcome either one, I just have lingering concerns about the issues that I mentioned in the article.
Good article Bob! A really nice summation of your thought process.
The snowbirding suggestion over on Facebook seems like a sensible option. That could satisfy both your longing for the Philippines and the desire to stay near relatives in the US.
One advantage to staying in the US that I thought of was Feyma’s ability to accrue social security retirement benefits by working in the US..
I know that staying in the US until we retired was the right decision for us. Both of us are now drawing our social security pensions. It’s a comfort to me to know that when I eventually kick the bucket, my wife will continue to have an independent income.
Y’all take care, and keep bringing us along on your adventures!
Hi Pete, very nice to hear from you. Thanks for your comment. You are right about the social security, there’s no doubt about that. I will start collecting my social security benefit in about 2 months. Feyma does need to work for at least a few more years before she’ll be eligible.
As far as the snow bird part, it doesn’t really appeal to me but I’m not sure why. I guess living there full time for so long just leave me wanting to do that again. But, as I said in the article, there are just some barriers there that I don’t want to cross. Far as family things, all the things I listed in the article.
Many years ago, I wrote an article entitled once you’ve been an expat, you can never go back. I never knew how true it was until I came back, I should have listened to myself. Lol
Bob and family, I hate to tell you this, we just came back from 2 months vacation in the Philippines. We stayed in Gensan and mostly Polomolok area because it’s a lot cooler temperature, we almost cut short our vacation because it was extremely hot in Gensan, besides heat that feels like my brain got fried, the dusty streets and air pollution in Gensan is extremely bad that causes us getting very sick. We went to Davao City, the same as bad in Gensan. So in general, I will never miss living there.
Hi Nilda. Nice to hear from you. I understand your thinking, but after living so long there, I think I can adjust. It is unlikely that it’s going to happen anyway… Just thinking out loud. 😊
Give Rich my best.
Have you considered 8 months in Indiana and 4 months in Davao?
That gives you the best of both worlds.
This way you can still live in your house, travel around America, be with your children for milestones, etc. while still living partially in the Philippines.
Ultimately, that would be my goal!
Hi Lambert. If we were to do a split like that it would be more likely that we would do a 6/6 or even an 8 months in the PH and 4 months in the USA. You just never know, though.
Hello Bob,
It’s been years since last we communicated. Loved your article and happy to see you back at it. 2007 “Wow Philippines” I purchased candy and flowers for my now wife Rosanna, who at the time lived in Cagayan de Oro. Now she is a US citizen and we have moved from Chicago to Union Pier, Michigan which I love. To make a long story short, we are now in the Philippines going on 5 months now and having a house built as we are planning on doing 6/6 winter months here with family here and Spring, Summer and Fall in Michigan. I decided this was best as she is always missing her home her in the Philippines and if something was to happen to me she would always have her home here.
Good to hear from you again!
Thanks for commenting CJ. It’s good to hear from you. I do remember you from the time I lived in the Philippines. It sounds like you’re doing a lot of things there, similar to things I’ve done in the past. I really have a strong desire to move back to the Philippines and live the rest of my life there. But I have commitments here in the states, I have three sons here, and also a grandson, and I couldn’t bear to be away from all of them. Maybe one day we will also arrange to do a six-month there 6 month here type thing, I’m just wondering if when it’s time to come back to the states for 6 months if I would really do it or not. Lol. It sounds like life is going well for you, and I’m happy to hear that. Take care.
Bob, I hope you make the right decision keeping Fema in mind. If you were to pass, and were living in the Philippines what kind of financial shape would she be in. On the other hand with our SS system I feel she may be better off here in the states. Some places in the Philippines have adequate health care but most places do not. It can be argued that health care for the most part is far superior here to that care that is available to most in the Philippines. Weigh all the pros and cons of your decisions, and examine them closely, be careful to make the decisions that are best for you and Fema both in the long run. The future happens before you know it. Wishing you all the best in life.
Hi Bruce, Feyma would be in much better financial position if she were in the Philippines, because she would get US Social Security (she is a US Citizen), would have full access to our financial means regardless of where she would be living, and the cost of living in the Philippines is much more favorable than the USA.
We always had good healthcare in the Philippines (if you recall, I had open heart surgery there and came through it with no problems). Some poor areas do have poor healthcare, I agree.
Anyway, Bruce, it is most likely that we will remain here in the States, so it probably wouldn’t be an issue. Just thinking and expressing my wishes openly here, but that doesn’t mean it will become reality. 🙂
Bob, I greatly enjoyed this article! I am sure many remember the real Santas in Mindanao. Let me know if you comeback here in Philippines. Sure like to meet you again.
Goods to hear from you, my friend. I will keep you updated!
Hi Bob,
I always enjoy your articles. I am sure you miss being in the Philippines but it is something you can always visit and have a vacation there. This may make it possible to enjoy the best of both. My regards to Feyma and the family.
Hi Bob, great to hear from you too!
My feelings about taking vacations there is different than you might think. I think that going there for a few weeks of vacation would only intensify my desire to move back, so for now I am not planning to go for vacation. Perhaps that opinion may change as time goes by, though.
Take care!
Great article Bob! I always wondered about the details of your move but it’s a private matter so I never asked. Now I understand your decision to move back to the U.S., however the “it’s never too late” mindset still holds true.
In my experience you never get something without giving something up, either way I know you’ll come to a mutual decision and be happy with it overall.
All the best Bob! Please keep up posted, I’d love to see you again should you return again to Davao.
Thank you, Phil.
You are right, it is never too late. But, life changes things and sometimes making a significant move like this is not easy to do it because life just gets in the way. It would be great to see you. I hope you are thriving in the Philippines, as I feel I did.
Living in a different country/culture for so long changes you and it never leaves you. Living in the Philippines isn’t practical for us right now, but I sure do miss it.
Exactly, my friend. I lived in the Philippines for 2 decades, and I am a different person than I was, both from the normal growth that a human makes during that time and most especially due to living in a completely different culture. Really, in many ways a kinder culture than here in the States.
It’s been a long time since I have read your posts, Bob. I am glad to have stumbled on this one. We are also currently in the States, primarily because of the kids. I miss the Philippines too — especially the weather. Hopeful to be back in PH in one or two years, Noah (my eldest) received a full scholarship at UP, so she is going back this year to finish her degree in PH.
I wish you the best of health and I look forward to reading more posts from you 🙂
Hi Leah,
Nice to hear from you! It’s been a LONG time since I’ve seen you or talked with you.
I have not done much writing over the past 5 years, but am making an effort to getting back in the habit now. I enjoy writing, and hope I can get the habit back into my schedule!
Nice it hear from you.
Bob..I would probably stay at least a couple more years in the US. After that, revisit your plans to go back to the Philippines to live there. Might be a good idea to stay in the Philippines for about a month and see if you still like it enough to move back there. Just my two cents worth.
Hi Elsie, nice to hear from you, my friend. Your 2 cents make a lot of sense. I am very certain that I would enjoy living in the Philippines again, but doing a test for a short time would certainly make sense. Thank you for your comment.
Hi Bob, hope all is well.
I have lived in the Philippines for the last eight years, but I will soon be moving back to the United States with my two sons and Filipino wife.
Why?
Well, for a number of reasons but the six main reasons are as follows:
The United States is simply better for children.
1. The health care system, while being expensive, is simply better, especially in emergency situations. The health of my children is the most important thing to me.
Children die every day in the Philippines that would not die in America. I have seen it up close and personal. My wife’s brother would almost certainly be alive if he had the same injury in the United States that he had in Manila.
My wife’s mom and dad are dead and would almost for sure be alive if they had been in America. The care they got in the Philippines was absurd.
And my health. I am not a spring chicken any more. And when I think about the extremely poor emergency services here in the Philippines it really worries me. There is no calling 911 and expecting good trained paramedics with decked out vans to come to your rescue.
In most cases you are going to have to get in a car, truck, jeepney, or tricycle and be transported to the hospital in that way. This is 2024 and it is STUNNING the emergency services in the Philippines are so far behind.
2. The educational system in the Philippines leaves a lot to be desired. The Philippines has one of the lowest rated educational systems in the world.
The results of the 2018 and 2022 PISA test show this. And I have seen it up close with my wife’s three older children, their cousins, and their friends. It is shocking how far behind they are. I mean truly shocking.
These kids are in the 9th, 10th, and 11th grades and don’t know things that 5th graders in America and other countries know. Again, look at the results of the PISA test which are for 15 year olds in math, reading, and science. It is pathetic.
The Philippines has a learning poverty rate of 91%. That is literally scary. That means that 91 out of 100 ten year old kids in the Philippines cannot read basic test. Literally scary and disgusting.
Where my step kids go to school is a joke. The public school system needs major work. The lack of well-trained teachers is well- known.
3. Opportunities. America simply has far more opportunities for kids. Everything a kid can do in the Philippines a kid can do in America. But not everything a kid can do in America can a kid do in the Philippines.
After school activities are abundant in America.
There are far better sports leagues in America. I played Little League baseball in America and there is very little Little League baseball in the Philippines.
I want my boys to see Major League Baseball games. Go to NBA games. Go to NFL games. You simply cannot do that in the Philippines.
I want my boys to fish in nice lakes and rivers. That is not going to happen in most cases in the Philippines.
I want my boys to play in the snow. Sled down snowy hills. Build snow men. Things like that. It is not going to happen here in the Philippines.
4. Getting away from family members. You didn’t say what the issues were with one of the nephews but I can probably guess, but will not say so here.
Let’s all get real. Dealing with the extended family members in the Philippines can be a nightmare and EVERYONE that has lived in the Philippines knows EXACTLY what I am talking about.
My extended family here only tries to use me. They couldn’t care less if I dropped over dead today, they only care if I buy them something or give them money. And that is how it is for many extended families.
If you live in the Philippines, and are around your spouses extended family, there are always going to be problems. ALWAYS. I have literally talked to thousands of foreigners over the years and they all say the same thing.
5. I want my boys to grow up with clean streets, clean parks, and live in a clean environment. The Philippines is simply not clean. Period.
6. Corruption. I am tired of it. I am tired of the dishonesty. Tired of taxi cab drivers refusing to turn on their meters. Tired of vendors charging me more than they charge Filipinos. Tired of really bad customer service.
So while I like living in the Philippines, and I will certainly miss parts of it. I will not miss the poor health care system, or have to worry about my boys going to REALLY bad schools. I will not have to deal with the constant corruption and dishonesty that is common in the Philippines.
My boys will have far better health care, far better public schools to go to, and far more opportunities when they are young and when they get older.
The FACT that you are in the United States right now shows me that you, yourself, realize that the United States is just a better place to live if you have children and if you have health issues – and if you can afford it.
Otherwise, why are you not back in the Philippines? You say it is cheaper, and it is. So if it is better in the Philippines why are you living in the United States?
It is simple: The United States, for most people, especially those with children, is far better than the Philippines.
I am happy to hear you are doing better and you are healthier. You may not know it but I know people that knew you when you lived in the Vancouver, Washington area. You were actually part of my inspiration to move to the Philippines.
Take care.
Hi Todd,
Hope all is well with you!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Sorry it took me a while to get back to you, to be honest, I never got an email notifying me of your post. That should be automatic, but I am not sure why I did not get notified. Sorry again for the delay.
On almost every point, there are things in the USA that are better than the Philippines, but also things that are better in the Philippines than the USA.
In the Philippines a lot of it comes down to where you live in the Philippines. In more rural areas, they have less in the way of amenities or activates. We lived in Davao City, the 2nd largest city in the Philippines. Davao had a lot of kids activities, great schools, etc. In almost every respect that I can think of, Davao was at least as good for the kids as the USA is.
I personally experienced two major health issues in the Philippines. I had a stroke in 2001, and I had a heart attack in 2016. In both cases I could have easily died, but I came through each incident fine due to the excellent health care that I received. I have no reservations about receiving healthcare in the Philippines.
In Davao City, where we lived, we had a 911 Emergency system. We had plenty of ambulances, paramedics, fire trucks and all types of other Emergency Vehicles just a phone call (to 911, just like here) away, no issues at all.
If you go to a good private school in the PH, as my kids did, the education is excellent. One of my sons is in College right now (here in the States), and he is way ahead because of his Education at Ateneo de Davao, a first class school.
Opportunity, for kids or adults, is dependent on what they seek out. I know that I personally did very well in the Philippines.
There are lots of games (baseball, football, etc.) and such in the USA, no doubt, but there are other types of sports in the Philippines that are not available in the USA.
Extended family, generally, I had excellent interaction with extended family in the Philippines. Yes, one young man caused problems for me, and that did not make me happy, but the same things heppen in the USA.
The educational system in the USA is also poor now compared to when I grew up, and continues to go downhill. Also, the US kids now are being taught things that are in ap[propriate in my view.
There is some corruption (plenty) in the Philippines, for sure. No doubt about that. Corruption in the USA, though, is on a much higher scale. US corruption does not have a direct effect on the average person, but there is massive corruption in the USA.
I would love to move back to the Philippines, and my wife and I think about it daily. There are things here like my sons all living here, my grandson, and other such factors that keep us here and the reason why we feel we should live here, at least for now.
Neither country is perfect of even close to it. Each of us gets to decide where we want to live, no doubt. I don’t feel bad towards you because you prefer returning to the USA, but for my book, the Philippines if far more preferable to me. There is not a day that passes that I don’t think about returning.
Good luck to you, my friend.